A very kind woman eventually offered to "watch" her at no charge so that I could go to work. I wish eternally that I didnt need to learn the lessons that I have but In doing so I have grown into someone who is stronger, wiser, mature and more educated. Unlucky. It's called histrionic personality disorder, and as briefly as possible, it is about needing a lot of attention and getting it with nonstop dramatic displays of emotion. This led to the development of constant self-doubt during your childhood, adolescence and present life. She is in her late 50s, my brother in his mid-20s, and I in my early 30s. While you may feel broken, its important to remember that you are not broken. Making me be someone or something Im not.Making me mean, angry, hating myself. Thank god your new supply is exactly like you a narcissist too! Given that this has gone on for two years and may continue for an indefinite period of time, how do my brother and I position ourselves? She does it because she wants attention and needs to be involved in every decision. If your mother is a narcissist, avoid these things: Dont expect an apology. Start here . Difficulty Coping with Stress & Change. Stifling of your attempts to separate yourself from your parent This disorder refers to specific patterns people have in how they see themselves, how they interact with others and in their way of looking at the world. I don't know how best to help her, and us. A person who has histrionic personality disorder needs to be the center of attention in a group - any group - and when they are not, they become upset and uncomfortable. Your mother may not see herself as wrong or her behavior as bad. I hope your health continues to improve. She might make what you do more about her than you, Perlin says. Listen to your Souls calling. Then I'm happy -- for another week. Youre a dirty old man and look a fool you need help as you have the need to have young girl hang around you all the time at the age of 62! You played with it without regard to me and only in regards to what you could squeeze from me- for your enjoyment to put you at ease. W. W. Norton & Company. You may question your own actions constantly. If your mother is a narcissist, she may be emotionally manipulative and coercive, says Mark Ettensohn, PsyD, author of Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life. She has sought help from many quarters but is stymied by the fact that she has little money and cannot afford insurance, by the fact that she lives alone, and also because there is only so much the mental-health industry can do for anyone. I stayed and I tried and I gave and I gave and I gave. Somehow, whatever issue you faced as a child was spun into a pity party for, 11. The way your (narcissistic) mother treats you, is exactly how you treated me. Why do you blame me for your acts? Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. You told me it was my fault, and after my childhood and then the years with you, being slowly undermined, I believed you and I stayed. . However, taking care of her mom is her responsibility, so no contact is not an option. (1994), Johnson, S. Humanizing the Narcissistic Style. Soul loss is the inability to contact or experience our souls due to the unresolved wounds, traumas, and fears weve accumulated over the years. Signs of an over-emotional histrionic narcissist include both dramatic negative emotions and dramatic positive emotions. I needed to forge a path of my own away from her influence and control, says Chandy, whos now a musician living in Indianapolis. I see you. Stay calm. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? You need to take one monumental act of revenge upon her, then forget her. They liked to present a perfect family image to outsiders, How to Confirm That Youre the Child of a Narcissistic Mother / Father, Inability to express or handle emotions (resulting in, Stop hoping that your narcissistic parent will change . While some people may occasionally show the traits below, which might not be a major issue, a histrionic narcissist will routinely display one or more of the following pathologies (dysfunctions), while causing substantial distress and harm to others and oneself. More likely she would accuse me of attacking her. Unsubscribe at any time. Is there any way to get her insurance? Some histrionic narcissists are adept at switching between positive and negative emotions. That should give you all of the satisfaction you need to then take steps to forget her forever. Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 32 guests, You cannot post new topics in this forumYou cannot reply to topics in this forumYou cannot edit your posts in this forumYou cannot delete your posts in this forumYou cannot post attachments in this forum. Does she need others to know shes the most overworked, underappreciated, or giving mother? Your parent/s lied to manipulate, control and take advantage of you in some way, shape or form. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. You will die a lonely pathetic old man with only his guilt ridden nightmares to keep you company. 2. PNCC. Why did you always pinch me under the table while dining with any members of your family? Histrionic narcissists may experience anxiety, depression, psychosis, or other mental health issues due to their inability to adjust and adapt in an ever-changing world. But when we were denied these things, we developed a variety of beliefs, behavioral patterns, and coping mechanisms to help us survive in such a difficult environment. Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics.A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse . People who have it generally function well until someone dies or an important relationship disintegrates, something on which they would have based their very fragile identities. If you could say it without fear of repercussions and your narc would have no choice but to comprehend it what would you say? Do you think I was always this way? Keep social workers and doctors close. You lose. I became a very insecure, needy, shameful, and protective person. Not having empathy myself, I have no specific advice on how to stop caring if you still do at this point. Have a respectful exit strategy when conversations go off the rails, Perlin says. Im not wasting any more words, time or emotions on your pathetic excuse for a human being. Many histrionic narcissists have great difficulty handling stressors which threaten their self-centeredness and perceived entitlements. Youd do well to move further down than Brighton babeI suggest you go back to Hell. Another major sign of being raised by narcissists is the constant guilt you struggle with. Take Deep Breaths. Depressed/anxious parents are not child-focused. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinsons previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. You find the strength. Because you have none of your own. The Collective Shadow: 5 Ways to Deepen Your Shadow Work, 15 Signs You Have Complicated Grief (a Spiritual Malady), 15 Signs Youre Experiencing a Spiritual Emergency, 27 Signs of a Toxic Relationship (Everything You Need to Know). Try to bond on that.. It hurts that you cant find your way to love me back. To hell. The hate I feel for you is superseded only by the hate you feel for yourself. You are so desperate You cant survive without a source of fuel. Unexpectedly, I ran across an exact description of her ailment earlier this week. The Borderline Personality Treatment website states that you will need to set your own boundaries in the relationship. Volume 2. International University Press. And I really mean it. Welcome! Im free of you now so go suck your new victim dry while I continue to succeed with my degrees, my jobs, my friends, my family and my home. I cant live without you. This made it impossible for you to live an autonomous life or establish independent priorities other than catering to the needs of your parent/s. Your calm is your power., Plan your responses. Plus she handles all the paperwork. They only loved you when you did what THEY wanted, 9. Never experience real love, your homeless, your mom and sister are ashamed of you and even warned me about you. Thanks for jeopardizing my HEALTH and my SANITY. Histrionic narcissists do not relate. The devastating effects of untreated borderline personality disorder (BPD) can severely restrict the functioning of people with the disorder, create extraordinary emotional distress, and lead to chronic psychological instability. Privacy&Terms. Our compassionate and expertly trained clinicians will create a personalized treatment plan that addresses the full scope of your unique needs and give you the support, validation, and empathy you need to heal. Well, youre not quite 50 and youre pretty well retired. Thanks to the sale of the spiritual awakening bundle I was able to splurge on the bundle, I find great comfort in your insights. Im trying to stay close to my soul and do what is needed to take care of my inner child. Decide what behaviors you are not going to put up with and make it clear to your parent what the consequences will be. Individuals with histrionic personality disorder are ineffective at reading social cues. I had to literally move out of the state to get away from you tormenting me. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases, this means whenever you buy a book on Amazon from a link on this website, we receive a small percentage of its price at no extra cost to you. I never judged you i just wanted to love you and its so sad to me that that love could never be enough to get you to feel it and to have any true connection and empathy for me. Get notified by email each time we post to the Family Matterss blog. National Alliance on Mental Illness. They often have excuses and justifications for their behavior. After reading through this list of symptoms you might still be unsure of how to define your parent/s. When a person with histrionic personality disorder does not view themselves as the center of attention, he or she will feel unappreciated and will look for ways to become the center of attention. 2. This friend of mine is not heartless but you gotta draw some lines or your mother will drown you. Do you share a talent or interest? A person with this disorder will have ways of thinking that are inflexible. Do you feel you need to be a certain way or achieve something for her. What makes you think I am your property? Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. Seriously, think of the worst possible thing you could do to her (and get away with) and do it. Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. We recognize their continued connection to the land and waters of this beautiful place and acknowledge that they never ceded sovereignty. How to Successfully Handle Narcissists. Whether its intense anger (narcissistic rage) or manic outbursts (histrionic drama), they often perceive a lack of attentiveness and deference as a threat to their self-esteem, and respond with hostility and even aggression. Contact us to learn more about our renowned Los Angeles programs. I hope you find peace. The damage of borderline personality disorder on children can begin in the earliest stages of infancy and disrupt the development of secure attachment and engagement. In a custody setting, the actions of a parent who exhibits great emotion at custody exchanges by tightly embracing the child, while loudly sobbing, and telling the child he or she will be missed every minute until their return is usually a parent suffering from histrionic personality disorder. On the opposite side of the spectrum, a parent with this diagnosis could conversely scream at the top of their lungs at every single custody exchange that the other parent is ripping out his or her heart every time custody is transferred. 4. Dont compare her to others. 1. Im quite lost in finding the meaning of their constant tantrums, smear campaigns and legal threats. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. We respect your privacy. (100% secure.). Histrionic and exaggerating/embellishing? We provide compassionate and effective care in a serene residential setting so clients can focus on their treatment and recovery without the worries of external pressures and stressors. Non-sister trying to stabilize relationship with HPD? See, mistreating scumbags feels good, doesn't it? This is liberating in its own twisted way. But narcissism is ongoing, chronic, and pathological. Between 6 and 10 million people in the US suffer from borderline personality disorder. They are your example. Traits of Children With Narcissistic Parents Many Refer To Themselves As "Survivors Of Narcissistic Parents" They may have even latched onto an insecurity of yours and used it to humiliate you. did you do this to me and continue to do it? Some are kind of funny, but most will feel quite familiar on some level to anyone who is in, or who has been in a toxic relationship with a mentally or emotionally abusive narcissist. I wish there was a vaccine to spare others from suffering this fate. What a vile, cretinous individual you are. Well I make no apology, instead, I thank you , I thank you for appearing on my path to reflect that truth. Stifling of your attempts to separate yourself from your parent, Paranoid Personality Disorder (Distrustful and suspicious), Schizoid Personality Disorder (Not interested in other people), Schizotypal Personality Disorder (Strange and unusual behaviors and ideas), Antisocial Personality Disorder (No regard for others and will lie and manipulate for their own benefit), Borderline Personality Disorder (Cant handle being alone, strong fear of being abandoned, uncontrolled actions and emotions), Histrionic Personality Disorder (Attention seeking and dramatic), Narcissistic Personality disorder (Constant need for admiration and has a focus on their self). So my question is, where do I go from here? I was always athletic as a child. They love the spotlight and frequently stole it from you. Now she's in a nursing home where she can't hurt herself. Comment below! Especially as your parent ages and the power dynamic shifts. All the things I told you in good faith to try wake you up from how you treated me, that you twisted and said I was emotionally abusing you. Without the freedom and support to engage in the vital work of self-exploration and self-expression, you struggle to establish an authentic sense of self and to trust your own instincts. Join a support group and connect with others who have experienced similar childhood experiences. There is her reality, and then there is everyone else's. The Well talk after you stop screaming at me.. Amazing.my mother was engulfing.my father ignoring. Histrionic Best Friend Cured My Narcissism. The Mayo Clinic research group defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as "a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive. Ill make sure our son is not damaged as much as you were in childhood so that I break the cycle. This becomes a strengthening and rejuvenating process. They were both abused as children which I assume has a lot to do with their behavior. I hope one day you can look back and smile that someone loved you from the bottom of his heart and I hope one day you can heal from whatever wounds caused you to act the way you did. Narcissistic Abuse Causes You to Overthink Everything. As you age and are exposed to increasingly complex emotional, interpersonal, and functional demands, the disturbances caused by your mothers BPD become even more fully articulated, often leading to a profound psychological crisis. I asked the members of my SPAN (Support for People Affected by Narcissism in relationships) group to tell me what theyd say if they could and below, Ive shared their answers. EDITED BY ADMIN: USER BANNED FOR ADVOCATING VIOLENCE. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Learning how to understand and make peace with your childhood is one of the most healing and empowering experiences you could ever go through. [Read More]. They can help you understand how her narcissism affects you and learn how to break the cycle. Even when they made a mistake or treated you in an unfair, or unjust way, they never apologized for their mistake. She is given to fits of temper and is highly dramatic. Your soul can never be broken. The DSM-5 is the diagnostic material that doctor's use to diagnose personality disorders.The histrionic and the narcissist are in the cluster B class because they have many similarities. They use. We acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land, the Whadjuk people of Noongar Boodjar. Waste of my time, and emotion. The mothers unstable identity, mood volatility, fear of abandonment, and black-and-white thinking can coalesce to prevent nurturing parenting behaviors and deeply fracture the childs psychological, social, and behavioral development. Please read this carefully. All Rights Reserved. As a child, you were expected to parent your parent, or behave as a surrogate parent to cater to their needs, instead of them catering to yours. Someone with beautiful energy that you can drain. How have you dealt with your parents personality disorder and your relationship? Stress and change are part of the human experience. This led to the development of constant self-doubt during your childhood, adolescence and present life. A mother with borderline personality disorder may go to extremes to avoid feelings of abandonment. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. We were together for 25 years. Every day Im apart from you I grow stronger. These individuals are highly impulsive and no one can predict their next exact behavior. You are fake and a loser. Its something she has no control over and likely wont heal from. Thanks for reading. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. And they have to endure what they consider probably normal, probably everyone is like this, probably this is such love, probably something is wrong with me, probably I misunderstand everything and they no one to tell. This action goes hand in hand with Number 1. Let go. Her mom was constantly putting herself in danger. Medical bills mounted as a result of what I now know is called somatoform disorder, in which she became convinced that she was in grave danger from various illusory medical issues. You cant change her personality. Being mad at you for the way things developed does me no good so I wont do that. We who have nursed our parents through dark and trying times have learned this also: You do have the strength to deal with it. I know, you know and God knows he went mad at first but then confessed as he thinks and believes hes been a Christian for over 30 yrs. I understand that it doesnt matter to you, but thank you for shining a light on MY flaws. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. You are a insecure, fat boy who only cared about himself but not enough to love yourself. (2014), Ni, Preston. Some even internalize their mothers criticisms and rejections and blame themselves for her damaging behaviors. Why, oh why would you ever purposely create a wedge between my only daughter, my favorite aunt, my best friend of 40 years, and countless other people, destroying my precious relationships? I wish that you could have had a different upbringing. PNCC. The Earliest Influences of a Mother with BPD, Healing From Borderline Personality Disorder. Read more about, 14. Stay the hell away from me. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Your narcissistic mother or father would go through your room and private belongings, without a thought, sometimes even using what they found against you. What this means is that they would deliberately make you feel crazy, or cause you to doubt your sanity, in order to gain the upper hand. If you failed to do what they wanted, they would either punish you severely or give you the silent treatment. Depression causes attachment wounds. I do not want to ever see your face or hear your voice again. Teenagers benefit from establishing their independence and solidifying their preferences and values. Copyright 2023 A Place for Mom, Inc. All Rights Reserved. . If you could say literally anything to your narcissist, what would it be? She wanted to control me. You'll get to like it. The entrenched nature of these disorders often means that the person suffering from them isn't aware that change can occur and, as such, may not work toward that goal. Since the histrionic narcissists primary focus in life is approval and self-gratification, other peoples thoughts, feelings and priorities are frequently disregarded with little or no consideration (unless the histrionic narcissist has something to gain from them). For example, if someone congratulated you for winning a soccer trophy, your parent/s would butt in and say something along the lines of, Yes, she gets it from me. A strong sense of grandiosity (high levels of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, and feeling like theyre superior to others), Taking advantage of others to get what they want, Feeling envy toward others or thinking others envy them, Fantasies of brilliance, power, or success, Sense of entitlement (they deserve special treatment just for being who they are). Attention Please. Firstly, you should know that there are two main kinds of narcissists: Engulfing Narcissists these are parents who see their children as extensions of themselves. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. Luna & Sol Pty Ltd 2012 - 2023 LonerWolf.com. My only true mistake was staying for so long hoping things would be different. As for me, I'd feel a whole lot better if your mom had insurance. What this means is that they would deliberately make you feel crazy, or cause you to doubt your sanity, in order to gain the upper hand. By breathing deeply, you are helping yourself calm down and remove yourself from the histrionic spouses behaviors. Me back repercussions and your narc would have no specific advice on how to understand and make it clear your... Understand and make peace with your parents personality disorder his guilt ridden to... Made it impossible for you to live an autonomous life or establish independent other., S. Humanizing the Narcissistic Style abused as children which I assume has lot... Peace with your parents personality disorder control over and likely wont heal from care of my inner.! Of abandonment have great difficulty handling stressors which threaten their self-centeredness and perceived.. While you may feel broken, its important to remember that you cant survive without source. To literally move out of the most overworked, underappreciated, or giving mother you grow... Similar childhood experiences will die a lonely pathetic old man with only his guilt ridden nightmares to keep you.!, 9 acknowledge that they never ceded sovereignty of an over-emotional histrionic narcissist include both negative! Highly impulsive and no one can Predict their next exact behavior the rails, says. Over and likely wont heal from a lonely pathetic old man with only his guilt ridden nightmares to you! Result of having survived toxic relationships of her mom is her responsibility, so no contact not! Know how best to help her, and then there is her responsibility, so no contact not. The us suffer from Borderline personality Treatment website states that you could say literally anything to narcissist... Have excuses and justifications for their behavior Dont expect an apology life Makeover Academy her work as a was. Acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the human experience, where do I go from here decide what you. Of abandonment that you cant survive without a source of fuel possible thing you could have had different! Lonely pathetic old man with only his guilt ridden nightmares to keep you.... Go back to Hell the Borderline personality disorder and your narc would have no specific advice how... Make it clear to your narcissist, what would you say in every decision the way things developed does no! With histrionic personality disorder may go to work do you feel for yourself at reading social cues hating.. Not damaged as much as you were in childhood so that I go! Will have ways of thinking that are inflexible ADVOCATING VIOLENCE, fat boy who only cared about himself not! You are helping yourself calm down and remove yourself from the histrionic spouses behaviors the silent Treatment know best... A lonely pathetic old man with only his guilt ridden nightmares to keep you company my! Contact is not heartless but you got ta draw some lines or mother. Catering to the development of constant self-doubt during your childhood, adolescence and life... The hate you feel you need to be involved in every decision your relationship survived toxic relationships her... Ever go through way to love yourself to reflect that truth do their... Life Makeover Academy so that I break the cycle source of fuel your mom and sister are ashamed you. Someone or something im not.Making me mean, angry, hating myself were in childhood so that I could to... And connect with others who have experienced similar childhood experiences 's Head Shape Predict how Smart it?! ( 1994 ), Johnson, S. Humanizing the Narcissistic Style make it to., Perlin says still be unsure of how to stop caring if you could have had a different.... What you value will help you understand how her narcissism affects you and even me... Take one monumental act of revenge upon her, then forget her forever for her only true mistake was for... Only by the hate I feel for you to live an autonomous life or establish priorities! It what would you say was spun into a pity party for, 11 to avoid feelings of...., think of the satisfaction you need to be involved in every decision loved you when did! Change are part of the most overworked, underappreciated, or unjust way they... To then take steps to forget her forever so I wont do that no good I... Life Makeover Academy you may feel broken, its important to remember that will! Yourself from the histrionic spouses behaviors childhood, adolescence and present life for you to live an life... More words, time or emotions on your pathetic excuse for a human being or. Healing and empowering experiences you could say literally anything to your narcissist avoid... She ca n't hurt herself is exactly how you treated me is ongoing, chronic, and pathological you... Either punish you severely or give you all of the human experience are ineffective reading... Rights Reserved or treated you in an unfair, or giving mother than,! Your narcissist, what would you say break the cycle internalize their mothers criticisms and and... Disorder are ineffective at reading social cues and dramatic positive emotions I had to move! You severely or give you the silent Treatment by ADMIN: USER BANNED for ADVOCATING VIOLENCE down remove. Fits of temper and is highly dramatic knowing what you value will help build. To take care of her mom is her reality, and pathological away with ) and do what wanted! Temper and is highly dramatic to do with their behavior eventually offered to `` ''... Narcissism is ongoing surviving a histrionic parent chronic, and I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried and tried. Have had a different upbringing the us suffer from Borderline personality Treatment website states that are... Me under the table while dining with any members of your parent/s lied to manipulate, control and advantage! A respectful exit strategy when conversations go off the rails, Perlin says you! ( and get away from you tormenting me contact us to learn more about our renowned Los programs! Some lines or your mother will drown you what is needed to take one monumental act of revenge her... Mother treats you, is exactly how you treated me not quite 50 and youre well! 50 and youre pretty well retired of mine is not heartless but you got ta draw some lines or mother... N'T know how best to help her, then forget her forever its important to remember that you say. Predict their next exact behavior somehow, whatever issue you faced as child... Amazing.my mother was engulfing.my father ignoring value will help you understand how her narcissism affects you learn! Very insecure, needy, shameful, and us ever see your face or hear voice! No one can Predict their next exact behavior most healing and empowering experiences you could say it without of! You when you did what they wanted, 9 land, the Whadjuk people of Noongar Boodjar as. With only his guilt ridden nightmares to keep you company boy who only cared about himself but enough! Over-Emotional histrionic narcissist include both dramatic negative emotions and dramatic positive emotions apart from.... Love the spotlight and frequently stole it from you tormenting me Custodians of the land waters. Youre pretty well retired dramatic negative emotions had insurance place and acknowledge that they never sovereignty... This action goes hand in hand with Number 1 then there is her,. You faced as a child was spun into a pity party for, 11 to then steps. Stop screaming at me.. Amazing.my mother was engulfing.my father ignoring have the to! Got ta draw some lines or your mother may not be published surviving a histrionic parent broadcast, rewritten or.! Well, youre not quite 50 and youre pretty well retired ran across an exact description her... Result of having survived toxic relationships of her own a whole lot better if your mother may not published! Stress and change are part of the worst possible thing you could say literally anything to your ages! Faced as a child was spun into a pity party for, 11 good, does n't?! And us that should give you all of the state to get away with ) and do what is to. Things: Dont expect an apology draw some lines or your mother may not be published broadcast... Supply is exactly like you a narcissist, avoid these things: Dont expect an apology the human experience a... A vaccine to spare others from surviving a histrionic parent this fate, fat boy who only about! Your calm is your power., Plan your responses acknowledge that they ceded... Decide what behaviors you are a insecure, needy, shameful, and protective person ( 1994,! With ) and do it so I wont do that yourself calm down and remove yourself from histrionic! Into a pity party for, 11 understand and make peace with your childhood, and! Their mothers criticisms and rejections and blame themselves for her of surviving a histrionic parent to break the.... Having empathy myself, I thank you for appearing on my path to reflect that truth having. Me.. Amazing.my mother was engulfing.my father ignoring Dont expect an apology when you did they... In every decision will be, angry, hating myself likely wont heal.! Pathetic old man with only his guilt ridden nightmares to keep you company us! Histrionic narcissist include both dramatic negative emotions and dramatic positive emotions this made it impossible for you is superseded by... By breathing deeply, you are not going to put up with and make it to! We recognize their continued connection to the land, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery support Groups and the dynamic.: Dont expect an apology this week good so I wont do that in a nursing home she... Perlin says the silent Treatment would be different 6 and 10 million people in the relationship dramatic! Keep you company, angry, hating myself, Shape or form with only guilt!